Hi Noah dear baby boy! You turn 3 today. Your dad and I decided to write you letters now so that later when you’re all grown up, you can go back and read them so you know how your parents felt about you “back then”! First I want you to know how much you are loved and adored. Not only by your parents, but the family that surrounds you. Your bright personality never ceases to fascinating me I can’t get enough of observing you and watching what you’ll do next. From the moment I found out you were in my belly, after the sobs of terror ended, I worried that I wasn’t ready to be someone’s mommy. Someone’s lifeline and for 9 months, someone’s house. It terrified me even more so that when you got here, would I be the mother you needed? I prayed every single day multiple times a day that God would bring me peace and guidance to help you through your journey into this world and for every moment thereafter.
Having watched you grow each day for the last 3 years has been nothing short of amazing, brilliant actually. I’m in constant awe of your words, the way you speak, and the ideas you come up with. Not to take away the fact that your tantrums are more so entertaining rather than debilitating, because even then I can see your personality. It is apparent that you are a passionate boy. You feel very deeply and have no shame in expressing your love or dissatisfaction even, for anything. It becomes challenging at times because I want to help you channel that passion into healthy outlets like sports and creative endeavors-wherever your heart leads you. I also want you to be very aware of the fact that you carry a firey personality inside I can already see burning so bright, this fire can be what drives you most, but it is all about direction. So that being said, don’t let anyone dim that or take from you what makes you who you are. Stand tall always, stand up for yourself and others that can’t do so on their own. Use that voice to spread your love, kindness, and passion and greatness. You are meant for great things little one, but most of all you were meant for me. Thank you for making me the woman I am today through challenges and self reflection, I will be forever grateful for your soul.
Happy 3rd Birthday Noah! I can’t wait until you read this one day!
I do have to credit the title of this post to my child since he seriously says “What’s the big idea?” He got it from Mickey………Anyway!
They (whoever they is) say that everyone comes up with a million dollar idea at least once in their lifetimes. I completely believe it because human beings for the most part are highly intelligent however, that intelligence can be misused for which we’ve sadly witnessed. But ideas are magical moments, because just for a second you have something new and brilliant that you thought of on your own. However, most ideas remain ideas and thoughts just holding all this magic that don’t get to be shared with the world.
We all seek knowledge and thrive off of production and progress which is why when we have an idea or thought full of fabulous potential we have that rush of inspiration. I believe where we get caught up is converting that idea into action. Manifesting it into reality which is the trickiest of all. Because in our heads, it is one thing in theory, but out loud, on paper, in front of us, it is another being. So how? How do we bring these ideas to the world to share?
- Break through the fear. So what if you think someone wont’ receive it the way you want them to or if someone believes it’s useless? Do you.
- Make time. MAKE time. We have the ability to create most of anything we need if we are resourceful enough. Even time.
- Start sharing. It doesn’t need to look or sound a certain way. Let it evolve organically. The worst part is watching someone else do what you want to do or what you just started doing because then you begin to compare and the belief system shifts to thinking it needs to be where they are. Nope. Nope. Nope. You don’t know where they started and how they ended up here.
I literally wrote these steps for myself January 3rd, 2018 when I annoyed myself of complaining of not having the time or not being in the right place to start what I wanted. If you want to write, write. If you want to be something or start a career change research. The best ideas have begun with a standard Google or Pinterest “how to…” search. Do it. We ALL have something wonderful and amazing to share and to know that is where it starts.
In the beginning of the year, I gave myself a word for the year: discipline. The purpose was to encompass all things that required discipline to help me stay on track in my facets of life. I gave up resolutions, because they just didn’t work for me. After February, they tend to drift away along with sanity. My word of the year is reflective. It evokes for me a sense of accountability and personal responsibility.
Discipline included lifestyle choices, dietary inclusions and exclusions, and hobby to business goals to name a few, but one very tall giant i wanted to conquer was waking up early. Now this is tricky because we are already woken up rather early with our human alarm clock otherwise known as Noah. B.C., (Before Child) I would sleep until the very last second and rush to get ready and would still be on time for work. Alone time wasn’t a scarcity and a small person was asking for a bagel at 630am. Therefore, waking up last minute had no real affect because I wasn’t missing out. Fast forward to motherhood and working full time at that, mornings are gone. If I wake up 1 hour before i have to leave as in the olden days, I spend 15 minutes making coffee, 20 doing make-up and getting dressed, and a few left over for hanging out with my kid that I won’t see unit bed time. Hence the waking up early. Now back to discipline.
I have yet to exhibit any type of discipline with waking up early-except today. 45 minutes before anyone was making a peep, a sound, or asking questions I was up and ready. That quiet time to look at the calendar, enjoy hot coffee that stayed hot, and be alone is what started the day off. The productivity manifested in those quiet moments was completely and pleasantly unexpected. So my take away? Try it. Slowly. Start with 15 minutes earlier, then 20, then 25…see how it goes because us mamas need as much time to recollect as we can get and there’s not one reason we should feel guilt for it. Where do you carve in time for yourself?
Reading the news or politics now has just not only become disheartening, but ultimately disappointing. Disappointment for our leaders and the poor inhumane choices that are being made. I have never been into politics, but his goes beyond political stance and just comes down to the heart.
So what’s happening? In a nutshell:
Families are escaping their homes where they’re being subjecting to various acts of violence. In short their home countries are literally unsafe and toxic and they flee to protect themselves and their children. They’re seeking not only asylum, they’re seeking peace, protection, and hope.
Why are families being separated?
There is a “zero-tolerance” immigration policy that is enforcing the separation of families. Parents that came over the border are being sent back and their children are being held in shelters that vary in condition, but the point is that those conditions are no where near the standards of a loving home with their family.
Are we powerless? What can we do?
- Call your senator/representatives. You can find your specific office here. Put in your address or zip. Offer your stance and if they’ve already signed a bill against it go right ahead give them a mental high five!
- Vote it up! Find out when voting takes place and VOTE! Here’s a link to find your specific locations and dates.
- Donate. Together Rising is raising funds to contribute to kids for legal defense. Also ACLU is actively raising funds to help defend the parents that are being separated from their babies.
- Prayer. Without ceasing. To give these families relief, hope, restore the peace in their lives, and repair the damage a stranger has inflicted. It costs no money, yet is most powerful.
Thank you for reading- this is not political this is humanity. We must fight for humanity and it’s rights, fight for love, and above all fight for our future.
We are currently in a state of seasonal bliss. (exhibit A: Us in a standard prom pose)
I define seasonal bliss as moments and time periods in life where you just feel at ease and everything has aligned. I rarely like to get super comfortable in this type of season, but I do by all means enjoy the peacefulness. Post graduation offers us some solitude in the fact that we can expect no major schedule changes, baby is with daddy during the day and at night Josh studies for the boards. I go to work and come back home and our weekends are for recharging and adventure. So here we are. We can expect things to change slightly once he’s on-boarded with his new job and new schedule and then we will need to revamp the setting again. But what can we learn from the last couple of years where we’ve had to adjust to one income, learn to parent, and still stay happily married? I always like to look at take aways whenever the dust settles and seasonal bliss is the perfect time to do so. They help gain perspective and they’re actively setting yourself up for success the next time chaos ensues.
♦♦A few aways from the last 2 years♦♦
1. Expect everything and nothing at all. We expected things to be structured and pretty much laid out and they most certainly were not. It was crazy how caught off guard we were and then just forget it when I started working again I think that’s when our whole world just did a 180. So that being said learning to just expect things to happen along with slight inconveniences. The element of surprise won’t be as strong and you’ll be more apt to respond instead of react.
2. Make peace with the process. This happened later on in the game because literally every 10 weeks when Josh’s schedule for class or rotations changed it honestly enraged me. Illogically of course I realize that now! But I really had to force myself to just accept this is what we chose when we agreed for him to go back to school so that was it. Either I could be psycho and complain or just shut up and figure out the next move. I’m actually annoyed at myself thinking back about what I complained about.
3. The tribe is everything. We really wouldn’t have been able to make this work without some very important and key people. From picking up Noah from daycare to watching him and feeding him just most of it surrounding the care of our baby they helped so immensely. And then there’s the ones that were there for us for meltdowns and disappointments not to mention tears and desperate calls. We all need a tribe that only works to support each other without judgement. The eminence of these few is immeasurable.
4. Be a team!! Oh my goodness the most obvious yet difficult component in all of this! Instead of fighting together we often fought against the other. Of course this came from stressors from work/school and frustration and the overall climate of life at the time, but it is counter productive if not done properly. Always remember you and your partner are here for the same thing working towards the same goal. Never forget that. Be attentive. Be mindful. Be supportive.
Through the last couple of years, we have been through moves, marriage, more moves, a baby, job changes, and more moves. Did I mention moving? I can’t tell you enough how much transition our little family has gone through since the early years of it’s creation.
Why does this matter? Because I personally know so many of you, and those I know no so personally experience transition and change and bumps and sometimes chaos. It can be hard feeling like you can’t keep up with Jones’s, let alone yourself. Our timeline? Let me share so that you know that I understand how you feel!
2011: Moved back from AZ to CA.
2012: Got engaged -Josh moved to CA and then back to MD to accept a new fantastic job.
2013: Got married in October. I quit my job of 2 years and moved to MD 2 months later. Moved into a condo. Our favorite place we’ve ever lived in! Our first home together.
2014: Started working a new full time job and then we had a moment of peace and quiet. UNTIL! I got pregnant with Noah.
2015: Gained 80 lbs and gave birth to a 9.6 ounce baby boy that Summer. I quit my job 1 week before I was set to return to work. Also, we reevaluated and really decided that it was best I stay home with the baby. This particular time was tough because Josh was working 60 hour work weeks and was gone a lot. We reevaluated AGAIN and came to the conclusion he should continue nursing school for better schedule and $$ so that I could work part-time. We prayed and prayed and we were led to Loma Linda University School of Nursing where Josh was immediately accepted all credits transferred. To us prayer and positive thinking believing people, this was the sign we needed. But wait. LLU was in CA. We were in MD. Moved again. Cross country. The two of us and baby in tow. Shipped two cars and moved in with my mother for 3 months.
2016: Moved to an apartment closer to campus because Josh was doing a 3 hour round trip drive every day at 5 am. By this time, Noah was 9 months old when I was being recruited by my old job (see 2013). We decided at least one of us needed to work so back to work I went. Full Time. Worst nightmare literally until recently. Why? I’ll tell you later. Oh yea, we moved again into the house we currently live in now! Haven’t moved in 2 years which I consider a deep win!
2017: Worst. Summer. Ever. Transition sucks. Mom guilt. Nursing student. Husband and wife=ships passing in the night. Growing toddler. We struggled like for real for real. Almost fully separated. It was awful. There is clearly more to this but I’m setting this up. Bear with me.
2018: Present. Peace finally. Love restored. Josh graduates in 1 week. We will be looking for a place and things have finally settled.
Why is this necessary? Because I want to share that no matter what, no matter how many transitions you go through there is a light at the end of the tunnel! It might be dim, but it still shines. So how do you deal with change and transition without completely losing your mind? Stay tuned!