We watched our wedding video the other day from start to finish for the first time in a while! I mean we watched the pre-festivities, the parties, food gatherings, ceremony, reception, the whole shindig. Noah wanted to watch it and we also wanted to watch him watch us before he came along. Aside from us noticing all the fashion and styles “back then”, I noticed just how young and blindly unaware of what marriage really was.
Sure, the lacy overlay dress, and bouncy curly hair couple with the glittery and shimmery champagne glasses, made it such a magical event. But that is quite all weddings are- a declaration of the undying love a couple has for one another. But no one talks honestly about the after party. The challenge of staying in love or maybe choosing to fall in love everyday.
I want to remove the illusion from any eyes that marriage is a part 2 version of a chick flick. Marriage is hard work. It is challenging and honestly that word doesn’t even cut it. Living with a person for what you plan to be the rest of your life, understanding that you and that individual changes on a daily basis, and choosing to love them despite everything. Loving them in the highs of life and the lows. Can you truly say you love someone unless you’ve seen them at their worst? Can I say the way I loved Josh the day of our wedding is the same that I love him today? Absolutely not. Would I want to love him the same? Hell no. Why? Because love should grow. Real love- the love that goes through hell and comes out stronger should never look the same.
The way I look at Josh now is a deeper sense of love more so connected to an immense gratitude. Gratitude that he and I made the choice together to stick out what felt like the worst time in our lives. We teamed up. We stopped fighting against each other and decided to fight together, for each other for our marriage, for our family.
What has 5 years taught me? It has taught me to expect nothing yet expect everything. It’s taught me that love is seasonal and sometimes that love looks a little messy and doesn’t feel like love at all. It was taught me to understand that my partner in life will change and it is MY job to love him, not his job to make me love him or be the person I expect him to be. And vise versa though don’t get me wrong. If we are consistently putting love, sacrifice, gratitude, affection, and intimacy and all the other beauty it comes with into this marriage for each other we’ll have something to lean on. Foundation. It has taught me that seeking God I ultimately seek love and with that perfect love I can attempt a bare form of human love.
When I look at my family now, I see a strong couple. A couple who had a cuh-razy time but that came out on top. I see a couple who is invincible who can withstand anything together. Whatever the world wants to bring us- we’re ready.