So I took what felt like a long break from writing and blogging and posting and all that jazz. I needed a break and to take a step back to figure out whyyy the heck I wanted to blog/write and why I wanted to put stuff out there. The trend of blogging hit like a damn tidal wave. I’d been blogging on and off since my early college days just about random stuff. Relationships or lack of, deciphering the college aged male and what makes them tick or IF they were ticking at all… I enjoyed taking my experiences and those of my closest friends and leveraging them into cheeky Sex and the City-like posts where I’d end it with a thought provoking Carrie-like question. Now, my blogging has taken on a different tone and perspective mainly due to the fact that I’m now a wife, mother, and full-time employee at a wonderful world renowned university. Well, all that being said I began to wonder…who am I appealing to now? (Did you catch my Carrie vibe?)
Obvi there aren’t any fun scandalous dating escapades to rehash- we’ll none of mine at least! But I needed a break to refuel and reflect on what I wanted to write that would positively contribute to someone’s day. Mommy blog? Ok i can get down with that…But not my thing to post recipes and savvy DIYs because honestly I don’t choose to use my time to do those types of things however I will find myself dabbling in both those items on a quiet Sunday. Which I’m happy to post.
Here’s the thing about trends, they can be quite loud. By loud i mean it can infiltrate your thoughts and cramp your style with all the noise of how Sally or Mary are rocking their blog…ok so? Just because they niched down on organizing and taking stellar photos of their white kitchen doesn’t mean you need a white kitchen to write about. Make sense? Clear the noise. I had to clear the noise. I had to unfollow people who weren’t inspiring me anymore. I had to stop caring about followers-how many, engagement, posts at certain times, like no. I will post blogs with what I’ve learned or how I’ve learned to tackle the real stuff -to me at least. And those words will reach who they need to reach when they need to reach them. Sure I want it to get out there and help someone somewhere far or next door, but my energy is simply redirected.
So… take a step back from what you’re doing if it feels mundane or you forget why. Even if it’s at your JOB. Ask why you’re in that position at that company.
Ask if it’s serving you as much as you’re serving it.
I sure did and here I am 6 months later in a different position at a different company.
Do yourself a favor and remind yourself why.
Here’s the thing about gratitude… we find all the pretty things to give praise for. The beautiful homes, the comfy jobs that support our families, health and wellness, and all the lovely things. It’s easy to be thankful for those things, it’s easy to receive them. But what if we challenges ourselves for the not some comfortable things. The difficult moments: fights with our family, being unfairly treated at work, or even friendships being broken or worse? Why would anyone want to be grateful for those awful moments that made us sad or cause anxiety? The thing is you can either be grateful for them or resent them- which in turn continues to give those negative moments more negative energy.
Personal story and maybe I’ll elaborate in the future: I found myself in the middle of a terrible situation that I could’ve easily left due to the stress iI was under. Like it was unnecessary, caused by jealous and unhappy people. It could’ve been worse, yea, but it was awful none the less. It was defeating, I was angry. All the same thought it was empowering. Personal attacks can be quite easily both. Depending on how you look at it. Was it happening to me or for me? At first, I couldn’t help but entertain thoughts like “why is this happening to me?” “when is this over?” “I want to leave” and trust me, ALL of those things I wanted to just rest in but the truth is, they didn’t help. I had so much anxiety. I felt nauseous. I wanted to react with telling them off. Literally everyday it took all the energy I had not to say what I really wanted so instead I acted as though they didn’t exist. But all that was just immediate gratification and I’d probably feel the same if not worse in the end. So I changed my thoughts. Instead of the “why me”, I asked myself what I could learn from this moment (that lasted for-freakin-ever!). I was completely over it, I could’ve left, but I stayed. I pushed myself through an incredibly uncomfortable time around unhappy people. I saw them more than my own child….but that’s another story for another time! I stayed, I channeled all the grace and dignity in the world every single day and conquered. I didn’t want to leave because I was angry and couldn’t handle it. I wanted to rise above be better take in whatever reason it was that I was experiencing this.
Why am I sharing this? Because I know I’m not the only one who’s felt trapped in negative thoughts because of things that are happening around or to me. I want to help you while I help myself rise above and be better. I made the choice not that long ago to be grateful for some difficult times. Looking back, had I not experienced this crap…having uncomfortable conversations with the people closest to me, I would never have taken on a personal understanding of the incredible value of experiencing challenges. The lessons behind every experience contribute to who we become. To wish them away with immediacy is to take away the opportunity for growth.
So in this season of joy and gratitude, I want to challenge you to be thankful for all those less than favorable moments. Thank them and send them away with gratitude because it is in the hardest times you’re refined and made new. Made whole. Made a better version of you.
Now you know I’m not gonna leave you without some tips! How to change your mindset to express gratitude for even the most uneasy times. Redefine how you experience adversity! Redefine gratitude.
- Acknowledge it sucks and move on! Don’t dwell. It’s happening and accept it.
- Ask yourself what you can learn. There is always a lesson. Look at everything as a means to teach you something. You’ll learn to naturally appreciate whatever happens.
- Talk positively about it. Speaking negative words out loud just feeds and allows animosity to grow. I was doing this every. single. day. Until I was literally sick about it. Instead, I told myself, i am going to be a better person because of this experience. I said it over and over in my head until I believed it.
- Remember, negative experiences are an opportunity to grow. Don’t you want to grow as a human? Especially if you have little ones. Don’t you want to show them how to handle conflict and develop coping mechanisms that are healthy? Lead by example.
Wishing you growth on your gratitude journey!
Women think a lot. About everything. All the time. We think while we talk. We think while we’re quiet. While we’re getting ready for the day we’re thinking about work or whatever and while we’re at working we’re thinking about dinner and what’s happening with the family. While we’re getting ready for bed we’re thinking about tomorrow and the list goes on. Sometimes, the thinking alone makes me tired more so than the doing. Managing thoughts is like herding cats. Damn near impossible. I feel like most women, especially mamas are just web browsers with a kazillion tabs open. And sometimes it’s humorous and sometimes quite impressive, but sometimes it’s neither and can feel quite isolating.
We tend to overwhelm ourselves with the thoughts of it all that it just becomes so difficult to manage that we become tired and exhausted and irritable, when really we have to learn to organize it and turn it off. Yea easier said than done, but there are ways to give that highly functioning gray matter some rest. Self care for the brain. Brain care. Too far? Ok ok. But I’m preaching to the choir here. I’m the reigning queen of thinking, overthinking, and everything in between. So I have an extremely hard time even keeping a planner let alone a to do list.
Here goes my tips for management:
- Go outside. Alone. Breathe in slowly and just chill for 10 minutes. If you don’t have 10 minutes, you have a bigger problem!
- Journal. However this looks keep a planner, bullet journal, whatever. Writing thoughts is high therapeutic and many therapists recommend this for people struggling with anxiety.
- Drive with the music off. I know this one is weird. But sometimes as a mom, driving to and from work is the only quiet time I get these days.
- Pray and meditate for guidance throughout the day. This can look very different for everyone, but for me my prayer is very conversational and my meditation and just repeating something i need. Strength, serenity etc.
- Ask for help. Ask for time. Ask for what you need. Say what you need. Don’t expect your man to be a mind reader and then get mad that he didn’t just know you needed whatever it was you needed. Speak up! Being the gardener is hard work… it might be time to be the flower.
I honestly hope this helps and I hope this lets you know that if you’re one of those that can’t seem to just pull it together sometimes, you’re not alone.
It has been quite the week! Remember that post about me getting all the Noah snuggles since Josh is gone for the week? Well i’ll just go ahead and say that snuggles were had but not to the extent I had planned. This morning we flew almost literally out of the house because Noah had to be dropped off with his Titi and Uncle in Reche Canyon. Quite a bit into the mountains for those of you who aren’t familiar.
I hate rushing. Espcially with Noah. he gets anxious obviously because I am and he just doesn’t know what to expect next since we’re running around crazy so I have to stop myself in the middle of the chaos and sit down. Even for just 5 minutes and tell him I’m sorry for rushing. Even those few minutes sitting down with him immediately calms him. If you parents take anything away from this post, it should be try not to rush with your kids. They can feel the anxiety.
I’m really happy though because I feel like Noah and I are gaining traction with our bonding time. Since I work a full time job, it can be difficult for baby and I to find little things for us to do just us. Him and Josh have PLENTY of things that they do together because they have all day.
My thing with him? Making sure he knows he’s included in the home rhythm. Traditionally it is up to Mom to include children in the home rhythm but I’m not home! So these times are so intentional!
Weekend Round Up:
Lake Arrowhead and Sis/bro in law time was had and Noah got time with his cousin. We sat by the water, went to the park and ate all day! We did nothing. It was quiet. No traffic and all the stars. Everything I needed to detox from in the city.
Birthday brunch was had for Koko! Happy birthday best! My best and God mama to Noah and most recently new roomie for the next year! We’re both going to buying our first homes next year so this year it’s time is triple up on savings!
First day of homeschool curriculum. We are using Habitat Schoolhouse. Read their blog on this wholesome concept. I’m so excited to integrate this into our rhythms at home. How will I homeschool when I work FT? Good question! I’m still figuring it out but I’m gonna make it work. I’ll make a post on our progress once we get into the swing.
We tried Plant Power for the first time. They opened one in Redlands so holla! We were stoked. That chicken and waffles sandwich though….
All this followed by a 3 hour nap and some park time.
Now I’m sitting in bed with Noah who is in the lightest of sleeps. Josh should be home any minute and I think Noah is secretly waiting up.
How was your Labor Day weekend with your littles!?
Ahhh the weekend. Yes I know it’s Tuesday and I’m already counting down to the 48 hour break! If you read in my latest IG post, you’ll catch the drift that our schedules during the week are crazy and can feel slightly chaotic. But now that Josh is graduated and just studying for the NCLEX, we’ve had a nice streak with consistency. However, I’m still working “9-5” (sometimes later) so my time with family, especially my baby is cut waaaay down. It sucks, but I don’t dwell. Instead I make the most of the time we do have by creating value in our activities.
Last weekend, as we do every weekend we woke up slow. We let morning light in and let the sun wake us up-the alarm clocks become a distant memory. Coffee is made and our little boy is as ready as ever to enjoy both of his parents. Even just the potential of a beautiful day brings peace.
The time i feel is so precious that I get with him and very delicate that I want to maximize our experiences together since it’s so little in the grand scheme of life. I try to make a point for us to be outside with no toys to leave room for conversation: you would not believe the things you can learn from a toddler if you just let them talk!
This particular weekend, I took Noah to Prospect Park and Ford Park in Redlands, CA. A suburb just over an hour outside of L.A.
Such beautiful places and little ducks Noah could feed which made it a first for us. So our weekends? Slow, mindful, minimal. Very buzzword-y but honestly that’s what we aim for. With the whole week of going and coming, we like to leave room for calm and reconnecting. How? We get outside. So if you’re like me and attempt to soak in every waking, free minute you get with your family and babies- go outside, make no plans, and create the space to make lovely memories.
As a kid you always think to the future and imagine what kind of life your going to have. You envision a life full of dreams, love, and happiness. I grew up holding onto those and when I found out I was going to be blessed with you as my son, it was the happiest day of my life.
Over the past 3 years I’ve had the blessing of seeing you take your first steps, speaking your first words, and smiling at the world each day. Your full of life, fun and joy. I never get tired of waking up each day to your instant demands or watching you sleep with the peaceful dreams you embrace at night. Your energy and unimaginable love for me as your dad pushes me to be the best I can be.
Your surrounded by people who love and adore you. No one in this world will match my love for you my son. I could never imagine myself with another child, because I would never want to share my love for you with another. You have been the biggest blessing ive ever received and can’t imagine my life without you. These past 3 years have gone by so fast and I’ve seen you grow so much and I wish that I could stop time for a moment because I know I will never get this time back. I will be here every step of your life and will support you in all paths of life.
Your my best friend and the pride and joy of my life. I’m proud to call you my son and to hold you everyday. Your mother and I will never get over the fact of how blessed we are with you. Whatever her and I do in this world will only be to make it a better place for you and because we love you.
I do have to credit the title of this post to my child since he seriously says “What’s the big idea?” He got it from Mickey………Anyway!
They (whoever they is) say that everyone comes up with a million dollar idea at least once in their lifetimes. I completely believe it because human beings for the most part are highly intelligent however, that intelligence can be misused for which we’ve sadly witnessed. But ideas are magical moments, because just for a second you have something new and brilliant that you thought of on your own. However, most ideas remain ideas and thoughts just holding all this magic that don’t get to be shared with the world.
We all seek knowledge and thrive off of production and progress which is why when we have an idea or thought full of fabulous potential we have that rush of inspiration. I believe where we get caught up is converting that idea into action. Manifesting it into reality which is the trickiest of all. Because in our heads, it is one thing in theory, but out loud, on paper, in front of us, it is another being. So how? How do we bring these ideas to the world to share?
- Break through the fear. So what if you think someone wont’ receive it the way you want them to or if someone believes it’s useless? Do you.
- Make time. MAKE time. We have the ability to create most of anything we need if we are resourceful enough. Even time.
- Start sharing. It doesn’t need to look or sound a certain way. Let it evolve organically. The worst part is watching someone else do what you want to do or what you just started doing because then you begin to compare and the belief system shifts to thinking it needs to be where they are. Nope. Nope. Nope. You don’t know where they started and how they ended up here.
I literally wrote these steps for myself January 3rd, 2018 when I annoyed myself of complaining of not having the time or not being in the right place to start what I wanted. If you want to write, write. If you want to be something or start a career change research. The best ideas have begun with a standard Google or Pinterest “how to…” search. Do it. We ALL have something wonderful and amazing to share and to know that is where it starts.