Chapter 32

It’s kind of crazy turning 32. I distinctly remember feeling that this particular age was so far away so I basically felt like I blinked and here I am: grad school graduate, married 5 years, and baby boy that’s cuter than I could’ve ever asked….and turning 32. When I thought about my 30’s I always imagined, I’d have it all together. That there was this grand plan that plateaued at 30 and that was the epitome of being a grown up. Boy was I wrong! And I’m so glad I was wrong.

I am still growing, but I will say since I did enter my 30’s, I’ve learned the art of self-reflection. This is a difficult piece of maturity that can be chilling when we search within to find out who we really are and sometimes we come face to face with the fact that we need to change. I never thought I’d be in my 30’s and be a completely different person and in many ways I’m still that 22 year old girl who can get wild when the mood strikes. But those raw parts of me, the parts that never allowed vulnerability, seeing it as a weakness, yet self-criticism was a ritual for me, I not too long ago was faced with challenges that forced me to look at who I truly was and really just started asking myself, “Giana, is this who you want to be?” The answer was no for the most part, so I changed my habits, my thoughts and perspectives. I realized the power of choice and my GOD was that freeing. We all know we have the choice to do or be or say things we want, but have we really ever taken advantage of those choices and actually made them? So what choices have I made ushering me into the 32nd chapter.

  • I have made the choice of happiness. I am choosing to be happy, regardless of circumstance and situation.
  • I am choosing my husband-everyday. Because that’s what marriage is. The choice to love that person every damn day until you die. And I happily make that choice. (We’re renewing our vows soon btw! Stay tuned.)
  • I choose freedom in faith. My unwavering faith in God knowing He’s got me. No questions asked.
  • I choose to create time, instead of complaining that I don’t have it.
  • I choose to be present. Making eye contact when my son calls my name, leaving my phone in the other room while I play with him or put him to sleep.
  • I choose to pour myself into every facet of life where my passion leads.
  • I choose to share. I choose to share my experiences, lessons I’ve learned, the times I’ve fallen. Because mistakes are what make us great. And hiding those mistakes in shame does no one any good.
  • I choose to learn. I choose to accept that I don’t know everything and that every moment is an opportunity to grow.
  • I choose to be brave-standing firm in who I am, drawing boundaries, and demanding self-respect. From strangers, friends, and family. It’s important to see that there are limits to what we accept into our spaces.
  • I choose to see each road block as a redirection to something better instead of using my energy to move it.
  • I choose to see every person I meet and everyone in my life as a teacher with a lesson. Whether they see it that way or not. I choose to ask myself what I can learn from every encounter.
  • I choose to let my curls be crazy sometimes and not really care.I choose to see make up as an addition to beauty and show my son a woman’s natural beauty.
  • I choose to accept the responsibility of being a mother and understanding that sometimes it means putting myself, my well-being, and mental wellness first.
  • I choose to be my best everyday and I choose to understand that my best each day can look different.

That being said, hello 32!

XO,

GV

State of Mind in Another State

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The mind is single handedly the most crazy concept of the human body that can posses our every move-every decision. From matters of what to eat to what to put on our bodies (and sometimes what to take off)-we make decisions every day that affect the way the world perceives us and many times the way we perceive ourselves.

Having just returned to the East Coast, home away from home, from the beauty and sunshine of So Cal-to which I’m blessed to call my forever home- I began to lament the flight home days before check in. A one way ticket to the north pole. I would be flying back to piles of snow, chilly wind that seemed to bite, and partial cloudy skies with hints of sun on a good day. I, however, never reminded myself that I was returning to my best friend and husband, however that did not seem to have an effect on my anxiousness on leaving.

My world is the city of Los Angeles. Whether it is the addiction to the adrenaline rush I get speeding on the 210 or the fact that a blue sky is scientifically proven to boost mood levels, I am clinically and unhealthily hooked on So Cal. Unfortunately, there is no room on the pedestal that I have placed the Golden State on-which terribly affects my outlook on my current location status. I’ll even go as far to say that it affects the daily allowance of happiness I extend on myself not to mention the torture it bestows on my lovely other half.

In essence, happiness is a state of mind. I can be happy here in the land of real seasons that change- but I need to make the decision to do so. Thinking of what could be or what should’ve been is crippling and prevents us from enjoying what our life is offering us now. I’d rather be caught basking in my present than chasing tomorrow or retracing my steps from yesterday.

Memories are great and future plans are even better, but what are we doing today?

GNV