Chapter 32

It’s kind of crazy turning 32. I distinctly remember feeling that this particular age was so far away so I basically felt like I blinked and here I am: grad school graduate, married 5 years, and baby boy that’s cuter than I could’ve ever asked….and turning 32. When I thought about my 30’s I always imagined, I’d have it all together. That there was this grand plan that plateaued at 30 and that was the epitome of being a grown up. Boy was I wrong! And I’m so glad I was wrong.

I am still growing, but I will say since I did enter my 30’s, I’ve learned the art of self-reflection. This is a difficult piece of maturity that can be chilling when we search within to find out who we really are and sometimes we come face to face with the fact that we need to change. I never thought I’d be in my 30’s and be a completely different person and in many ways I’m still that 22 year old girl who can get wild when the mood strikes. But those raw parts of me, the parts that never allowed vulnerability, seeing it as a weakness, yet self-criticism was a ritual for me, I not too long ago was faced with challenges that forced me to look at who I truly was and really just started asking myself, “Giana, is this who you want to be?” The answer was no for the most part, so I changed my habits, my thoughts and perspectives. I realized the power of choice and my GOD was that freeing. We all know we have the choice to do or be or say things we want, but have we really ever taken advantage of those choices and actually made them? So what choices have I made ushering me into the 32nd chapter.

  • I have made the choice of happiness. I am choosing to be happy, regardless of circumstance and situation.
  • I am choosing my husband-everyday. Because that’s what marriage is. The choice to love that person every damn day until you die. And I happily make that choice. (We’re renewing our vows soon btw! Stay tuned.)
  • I choose freedom in faith. My unwavering faith in God knowing He’s got me. No questions asked.
  • I choose to create time, instead of complaining that I don’t have it.
  • I choose to be present. Making eye contact when my son calls my name, leaving my phone in the other room while I play with him or put him to sleep.
  • I choose to pour myself into every facet of life where my passion leads.
  • I choose to share. I choose to share my experiences, lessons I’ve learned, the times I’ve fallen. Because mistakes are what make us great. And hiding those mistakes in shame does no one any good.
  • I choose to learn. I choose to accept that I don’t know everything and that every moment is an opportunity to grow.
  • I choose to be brave-standing firm in who I am, drawing boundaries, and demanding self-respect. From strangers, friends, and family. It’s important to see that there are limits to what we accept into our spaces.
  • I choose to see each road block as a redirection to something better instead of using my energy to move it.
  • I choose to see every person I meet and everyone in my life as a teacher with a lesson. Whether they see it that way or not. I choose to ask myself what I can learn from every encounter.
  • I choose to let my curls be crazy sometimes and not really care.I choose to see make up as an addition to beauty and show my son a woman’s natural beauty.
  • I choose to accept the responsibility of being a mother and understanding that sometimes it means putting myself, my well-being, and mental wellness first.
  • I choose to be my best everyday and I choose to understand that my best each day can look different.

That being said, hello 32!

XO,

GV

Among the Chaos

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There are plenty of things I can find to complain about what with the gloomy winter that refuses to let Spring have her turn and the fact that I’m not working a 9-5 like I’m used to. In retrospect, given my last post I literally could make a list of things I’ve been brooding over to change, but they are sadly not within my power. After all this time grooming myself in world of structure, I’ve found myself with time, motivation, and a bossy attitude. All I had to do was realize that those three components of my personality can be a triple threat when unleashed-and unleashed they are. From photography, network marketing, and internships-I’m jumping in.

Creativity is one of the most untapped resources in the human mind. It’s my personal belief we all have a creative side, but there is typically a voice that quietly checks you and reminds you that you have bills to pay; and so we carry on in the mundane routine to work our asses off. Many of us are blessed to be working in their dream job doing what they love all day, every day and there are others of us that may sit at a desk gazing into the computer indulging in daydreams about what we can do to make a difference or to even be at peace with ourselves and follow our dreams. A few months ago, I was silently screaming on the daily because I had to structure in my life, but then I remember when I did-the 9-5, M-F it wanted to mentally die. The stimulation was I so quietly hungry for was slowly being eroded by the louder acquisition to sit behind my desk, make that bi-weekly check, and be a good worker bee. Granted, steady income is incentive for most anything in life, but think-what would happen if we had just enough time alone in a bit of chaos to rediscover ourselves and those quiet taps on the creative sides of our brains.

Passion for life, music, love, people, or even our work doesn’t come out of no where. Passion is what blooms after we acknowledge that voice inside. We know ourselves better than we think- we simply need to welcome moments of realization and perhaps confusion with open arms because who knows what we’ll find among the chaos.

 

GNV